A Note on Restraint and Respect

Humans are curious creatures. Sometimes we’re downright nosy. And nothing seems to interest us more than someone else’s tragedy, but our compassion should be stronger than our curiosity.

People want all the gory details, or at least they think they do. Most first responders, jurors, social workers, families, and others with lived experience would tell you that they have plenty of images and details seared into their minds that they wish they could forget. People love to ask first responders, “what’s the worst thing you’ve ever seen?” Most will refuse to answer, partially because they’ve seen how upset or green around the gills people get when they do, and partially because they’ve already replayed those calls in their minds a thousand times and don’t want to relive them for curious onlookers. 

Nowadays most news outlets are laser focused on increasing views and clicks so when tragedy strikes a community, they capitalize on people’s morbid curiosity. Reporters are all chasing that “scoop,” wanting to be the first to publish whatever juicy tidbit they can glean from distraught family members, neighbors, or social media posts. Next thing you know you’ve got reporters bombarding grieving family members with questions and helicopters circling above active crime scenes to capture dramatic images that evoke strong emotions and serve as clickbait. I totally get it from a business standpoint. They’ve got people clamoring for a front row seat and they’re just trying to meet the demands of that audience.

But here’s the thing, I’m not willing to sell my soul to cash in on someone else’s tragedy, or to fulfill someone else’s morbid curiosity. 

It can be tempting… especially when you’re sitting at a staging area up the road from a crime scene, watching all these out-of-town reporters bustling about, digging for the detail that will make their story stand out from the others and you happen to already know a lot of the details, because you live here, because this is your home.  

It can be hard to resist that urge to be the first to break a big story or reveal a crucial detail. It takes a certain amount of restraint. 

But I live here. This is my home. And I have too much respect for my neighbors to splash their business all over the internet when doing so would serve no purpose other than to satisfy the curiosity of strangers. 

Within hours of the August 5 shooting in Prospect Hill that left three dead, and one injured, social media was filled with speculation. Sensationalized headlines about a “mass shooting” drew national attention to the incident law enforcement described as stemming from a family dispute. People online were quick to reshare images from the scene, rumors regarding family dynamics that they claim may have led to the shooting, and allegations that law enforcement and the judicial system had failed to intervene. 

I want you to sit with that for a minute. As family and friends were still learning of the tragedy, before the bodies had even been removed from the scene, people on the internet (many of them strangers who have no connection to Caswell County) rushed to share theories about what was to blame, who was involved, and who was at fault. We should be ashamed.

Some of that speculation, such as rumor that 12 people had been shot or that a juvenile was among the victims, was quickly determined to be false. Other theories or allegations have yet to be addressed publicly by those privy to the facts of the case. 

“But we have a right to know,” some have argued.  

Maybe. But I would challenge you to question what gives us that right? What do we really need to know and when are we just being nosy? How are we personally impacted by knowing, or not knowing certain details? Who benefits from our knowing, or from even raising the questions? Who might be harmed?

Personally, I’m much more worried about being a good neighbor than I am in getting that “scoop,” so I’ve chosen to respect the family’s wishes for privacy. 

When tragedy strikes it’s normal, and can even be helpful, to consider the factors that led to it and how we might learn from it to prevent similar incidents in the future. But can’t we at least let the family bury their dead first? 

Immediate family members have requested privacy and prayers. They also shared the following statement last week as part of an invitation for loved ones to visit with the family: 

“We want to say Thank you from the bottom of our hearts to the Caswell County Sheriff's Office, the investigators, the magistrates office, first responders, and any other law enforcement official involved. We cannot say thank you enough for your kindness in this. Thank you to those who have held prayer gatherings and covered our family in thoughts. We feel your prayers deeply.” 

For now, that needs to be enough to satisfy people’s curiosity because the only question anyone needs to be asking of that family right now is, “how can I help?”